I finally did it

Julianne walked in the door from school and the first words out of her mouth were, "We've been invaded!" She could smell the scent of clean...a smell that because I'd been here all day, I hadn't noticed as strongly.

And the reason she could smell that scent of clean?
Because I finally did it.
I hired someone to help clean my house.
This is something I've been conflicted about for a long time. In my neighborhood, I'm in the minority because I don't have a cleaning lady. And yes, my house is slightly on the big-ish side. And yes, I've had a hard time keeping up with it.
But seriously, I can clean my own darn house!
And I told myself that over and over again. When I would see the cars pull up weekly or semi-weekly in front of my neighbors houses ladened with cleaning ladies and their supplies. When my friends told me stories of how incredibly fabulous it was to not have to dust. Even when I would dissolve into fits of anxiety at how often my house looked like a bomb went off.

I can clean my own darn house!

And I can! Except I wasn't doing it. I can blame it on being busy. I can blame it on being lazy.
Whatever it was, despite the fact that I refused to hire someone to help me clean, I secretly really desperately wished for it.

It was pride. And not necessarily the bad kind either. There is definitely something to be said for hard work and a job well done, yes? But pride all the same. And maybe a bit of a martyr complex.

I also still remember well my sister telling me a story of a friend of hers. She had hired a cleaning lady with the explanation that it was needful because her time was more valuable than spending it mopping her floors. Her kids needed her. I remember being really turned off by that. "What? You're saying that your time is more valuable than ours...the rest of us that are on our hands and knees scrubbing our own toilets? Your kids need you more than ours need us?" I would've respected her more if she had simply said something along the lines of, "I don't really like to clean my house. I'd really rather play with my kids. And thankfully I have the money to hire someone."

So though I'm finding myself a little bit embarrassed to have finally acquiesced....let me assure you, I've hired someone to help me clean my house because even though I can clean my own darn house, I really don't want to. I'm having a hard time keeping up with it and it's stressing me out.
I'm rather excited about the prospect of having a sparkling clean house every other week. (Which is a lot more frequent than has been in past months.) And the idea of not ever having to scrub bathrooms for the foreseeable future. (It's my least favorite chore.)

We worked hard today. Both of us. And I'm downright giddy about the results! I think maybe the giddiness might be able to drown out the pride and embarrassment.

(When I told Julianne that I had hired someone she was surprised and then...somewhat bothered. "I feel white and privileged" was her reply. Apparently that was not a good thing. And then a little panicked, "Please tell me she's not hispanic!!" Too stereotypical, I suppose?)