A weekend full of love

It's always a good weekend when I can get the whole family under one roof for a day or two. It's rather quiet most days with just Bryan, Lilian and myself (plus Oscar) living at home now. And though it's peaceful and not at all bad...it's always a happy and glorious time when Rebekah and Tanner pull in from South Jordan, Julianne and Jordan arrive from Provo and Brandon makes the long drive from Cedar City. Suddenly the house is alive again with laughter and music. It was a combo weekend...Valentine's Day and President's Day back to back in regards to holidays being observed, but also Julianne's birthday a few days earlier, and we had arranged to have family photos taken since we'd all be together. The weather had different ideas and the photo shoot got snowed-out and therefore had to be postponed till spring break. But Saturday evening we had a Valentine's themed birthday dinner and then played a bunch of games. The next morning Bryan made a big breakfast, we watched our church meetings online, and then Jordan administered the sacrament to us. It was a good weekend. There is definitely something to be said about "finding joy and rejoicing in your posterity." 

Wedding plan changes

I tell you what, it's super difficult to plan a wedding during a worldwide pandemic when you have no idea how long it will last or how bad it will get, and every day is another announcement of new closures and restrictions. We'd been putting off talking about it for awhile, hoping time would illuminate the situation. And I suppose it's done exactly that. We had to start talking about a Plan B. Which then turned into Plan C and beyond as we've been working our way through the alphabet. We're likely at Plan G by now, and may end up at Plan Q by the time we get them married. We had to cancel the reception center and all plans for a large celebration after the wedding. The ceremony itself now will be a civil one officiated by Jordan's father (who by profession is a judge), with a sealing down the road when temples open back up again. The original date of June 12th was so settled upon partly because Jordan's sister was set to be out of the country on a humanitarian trip the entire month of May. But as with so much else these days, that trip has been cancelled. Was there any reason to still be waiting till June? The two lovebirds have decided to move their date up to May 8th. We are considering any and all outdoor locations to hold the ceremony but they have been leaning towards the Salt Flats on the Utah/Nevada border which should be beautiful. There is sadness at not being able to invite anyone other than immediate family...no grandparents, cousins, aunts, uncles or friends, because of the no gatherings over 10 rule (we are fudging it a bit seeing as between the two immediate families we are already at 14, but in the middle of the Salt Flats, we're figuring it's likely okay). But suddenly Julianne has been rejuvenated in regards to wedding planning. The huge party and other traditional wedding events had seemed to overwhelm her a bit. A small, personable affair became more about her and Jordan and much less about the guests. 

Luckily Fantasy Bridal, the wedding dress boutique where we had bought Julianne's dress, was still operating (by appointment only). Julianne had been having second thoughts about her dress when we went in for a fitting for alterations. And especially now that the wedding was going to have a completely different vibe from the original, she asked if there was any way they'd let her look a bit more and potentially exchange if she found a dress she felt would feel more right. Somewhat surprisingly, they said yes. She tried on a few, also realizing that she did indeed like her original dress more than she had remembered...but when she came out in this last dress, our jaws just dropped. It was like birds were singing...she knew, we knew. This was THE DRESS. Bless Fantasy Bridal for working so hard to make sure these pandemic brides still had the best wedding experience they could, even amongst so much uncertainty and change. 

The first dress, bought back in December during a very different time and mindset....so very beautiful, yes?

But would you look at this? Absolutely and completely stunning! 

She is going to be the most gorgeous bride. 

Amazing how much things have changed in the course of just a few months.

The one where Julianne turns 22

Julianne has had another birthday. This one marking her 22nd year. I still remember the days when her birthdays were filled with gifts of Teletubbies and dress-ups. Or the one where she wanted everything wedding themed and I made her a wedding cake and put birthday candles on it. And now here we are celebrating her last birthday as a single gal. Where does the time go?

Remember back in the day how she insisted her birthday be a whiz bang, traditional celebration? She was more excited about the hoopla than the presents. As she gets older maybe that will fade a bit, I'm not sure. But just in case, I figured we'd better have a plenty of birthday revelry to ring in the big day. Or at least as much as is possible when her birthday is in the middle of the week, she doesn't live at home anymore, and you are constrained by a weekend visit/Sunday dinner. 

The girls, as per tradition, made a birthday banner. But in this case we moved the whole production into the TV room so they could also watch home movies from when Julianne was a young'un. 

Decor, dinner and gifts....

And then cupcakes. In Julianne style, when told she needed to make a wish before blowing out the candle, she made a myriad of faces as she tried to figure out what exactly to wish for. Considering she already had a fancy, new, engagement ring on her finger...maybe it took a minute to think about what more she could really want? 

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This picture is actually from the night before when Rebekah and Tanner, Julianne and Jordan all came home. Rebekah and Tanner are getting their first glimpse of the sparkly on Julianne's left hand while Jordan is fastidiously searching online for an apartment they can rent after they get married. Made me laugh. 

Ellis Island discoveries

Recently, my sister Melissa suggested a book for me to read. She thought with Julianne working somewhat regularly at Ellis Island as part of her service in the New Jersey Morristown Mission, that I'd really enjoy Liberty Falling by Nevada Barr. A murder mystery that takes place on Liberty Island and Ellis Island, much of the action involves the old buildings on Ellis Island that have not been restored as neatly and nicely as the main Immigration building that you see in pictures or have visited personally while in NYC. These other buildings in their hey day housed a state of the art hospital, infectious disease wards, nurses quarters, a morgue, etc. They have been abandoned and left to decay. There have been attempts made to raise money to restore or at least stabilize these old historical buildings, but it's slow going.

This book, Liberty Falling, was written in 1999, after the Immigration Building was restored and made into a museum, but before anything was done with the south side of the island. So, much of the creepy parts of the book are centered there. Three people in all meet their doom in this book, two of them falling (or being pushed) from the Statue of Liberty, believe it or not. The whodunits hide out in the abandoned section of Ellis Island and of course the main character of the story likes to traipse around there after dark where things seem a lot spookier. And all of this of course lead to attacks on her life, and stumbling across another nearly dead body that has been bludgeoned by said bad guys.

Anyway, this was all rather fascinating to me. Because though murder mysteries aren't necessarily my favorites, I do enjoy them from time to time...usually reading them in the light of the day rather than right before bed so as to ward off nightmares. I am indeed a first class chicken. Judge me if you must. But mostly I loved the historical aspect of it all and spent a lot of time looking up pictures and maps and websites devoted to these old buildings, what took place there, what they look like now, and what is being done to save them. And yeah, those buildings even today are equal parts fascinating and creepy.

Julianne of course works in a section of the restored main Immigration building on the north side of the island. She helps people find their ancestors in the Family Search Center. On days she is scheduled to work there, she drives from Jersey across to the island. Did you know that there is a road? Or a bridge or causeway of some sort? I didn't until Julianne told me. I've always taken the ferry from Battery Park at the tip Manhattan. Tourists from the New Jersey side also take a ferry. Only employees are allowed to drive across and there is all sorts of security. (Side note: before Julianne left for her mission she sent in requested paperwork, along with a copy of her Social Security card for a background check so she would be allowed to work on Ellis Island. Security is pretty tight.)

(These pictures are from my trip to Ellis Island last summer, a few weeks before Julianne left for her mission.)

I had just finished this book a few days earlier when I got an email from Julianne on Monday. She sent a picture with an explanation that she and her companion had been scheduled to work at Ellis Island the Friday previous, but when they arrived they couldn't find a spot in the parking lot, so they ended up parking on the south side in a grassy area by one of the old abandoned buildings. And sitting right there was an old torch from the Statue of Liberty that had been replaced at some point, and was being stored...possibly because they didn't know what else to do with it or how to dispose of it or maybe had plans for it down the road? Who even knows. Anyhow, Julianne thought it was cool. And I thought the timing was kind of uncanny seeing as I had just read that book. So of course I stayed up late Monday night looking at even more pictures and maps, trying to guess where exactly she had parked. And then I had the heebie jeebies all night long as my mind replayed the creepy scenes from the book over and over. First class chicken, remember?

Heebie jeebies or no, they now have tours of some of the abandoned buildings on Ellis Island, and when Julianne and I go back next summer to visit her mission, I'm going to make sure we get in on that action.

Hasta Luego

I had been told that sending off a second missionary wasn't any easier than sending off the first. I had heard that knowing what to expect was actually harder in some ways because you know what to expect. People told me that dropping your missionary off at the airport was harder than dropping them off at the Provo MTC. After having experienced it I am now in a position to say that it's true. All of it.

Monday was spent packing and saying tough goodbyes. (Dad, who had a business trip, and boyfriend who she wouldn't be allowed to see as soon as she was an official missionary.) All too soon it was time to go to the stake president's office to get set apart as a missionary. Already emotional, by the time President Brown invited us in to join Julianne, we were a bit of a mess. Julianne shared her testimony and her reasons behind wanting to serve a mission. President Brown set her apart. And by the time he finished, we were all very glad that there is always a box of kleenex in the stake president's office. President Brown quoted D&C 84:88 And whoso receiveth you, there I will be also, for I will go before your face. I will be on your right hand and on your left, and my Spirit shall be in your hearts, and mine angels round about you, to bear you up.
I'm guessing it was meant to strengthen and comfort Julianne. I know it had that affect on me.

 (Julianne was rather pleased with the placement of her picture on the stake offices missionary board...right between Elle and Lauren.)

We had thought about getting up extra early to have a last breakfast at Granny Annie's, but packing didn't get finished up till midnight and we had planned to leave the house around 6:45am to head to the airport. We decided sleep was more important. Rebekah and Julianne had one last sleepover. They said it was because Julianne was now a missionary and Rebekah was her companion so therefore they shouldn't sleep in separate bedrooms. But really, they'd been having sleepovers most nights since Rebekah came home from her mission seven months ago. And seeing as by the time Julianne comes home, Rebekah will likely be married, this last time seemed significant.

The morning came all to soon, and not soon enough. Similarly to how I felt when Rebekah was leaving...I was ready. In a way, I had dreaded this day. And the stress and emotions had taken their toll, physically and emotionally. Julianne's leaving was going to happen no matter what, and I got to the point where I just wanted to be done, to get things going so we could start counting down, you know? I think Julianne felt similarly. Although I don't think she was dreading the day, but more anticipating it.

We made the drive to the airport and then sat in the car for a few minutes to have a family prayer. I felt like maybe it was my responsibility as the mother to say it. But of course that meant that my words came out in a tearful, heart aching, emotional mess.

We walked inside (wiping away tears) and got Julianne's boarding passes printed and her luggage checked. I was kind of amazed at just how incredibly helpful and kind the Delta counter agents were to all the missionaries there. Knowing that these missionaries and their families were running the gamut of emotions...fear of the unknown, feeling overwhelmed, confusion, sadness, excitement, and everything in between...they clearly see this every week. And while it might be easy to feel annoyed at all these clueless families, they instead responded with such empathy and asked us where Julianne was serving, expressed excitement over her call, offered advice with travel. It made me worry just a little bit less.

(And the pink/purple luggage makes a second mission go 'round...)

We went upstairs to the security line. The point of no return. This is where it becomes so much harder to say goodbye than at the Provo MTC. In Provo, you know you have more or less delivered your missionary to their destination, at least for the next few weeks. She is going to go inside and be assigned a companion, and a bedroom. She will be fed and taken good care of. At the airport you have to say goodbye and watch her walk through that security line all on her own. Will she make it to her gate okay? What happens if she loses her luggage? What if there are problems or delays with her flight? Will someone be there at the other end in Mexico to pick her up?

(I tried to smile for the camera...but didn't realize that Brandon continued to take pictures, so there is a progression of me losing the precarious hold I had on my tears.)























We said our goodbyes. We hugged and cried and hugged some more. Julianne was admirably calm. I think she had spent her emotions the day before and was just ready.

 Once again, the hardest part came when we got home. Saying goodbye is hard, yes. But coming home and seeing the pajama pants she had worn the night before still in my room where she had got ready that morning, finding her phone on the counter, realizing that all of the things that she had decided not to pack but had not put away were now my responsibility...because she wasn't coming home to do it herself....that's when the ache really sets in. So I decided to put my pajamas back on and allow myself to do nothing productive all day. I ate chocolate, binge watched Netflix, napped and allowed myself to cry whenever I felt like it rather than fight the tears. I didn't leave the house for two days. And I think that helped.

Another thing that helped? I got a quick email that evening from Julianne. She said she had arrived safely, that there had been 25 missionaries on her flight to Mexico and that her P-Days would be on Thursdays while in the MTC. The next day I also found a couple pictures of her on the Mexico MTC facebook page. Both of those things did much to settle any worries that I had.

There is a Julianne sized hole in my heart. And though she's physically little, her spirit is larger than life. Which means that hole is pretty darn noticeable. It aches, my heart. It very literally hurts. But I'm so proud of her as well. Knowing what to expect this time around means I understand already how hard the missing her can be and how long the time sometimes seems. But it also means that I am fully aware of all the blessings that come, to both her and us here at home. And it's worth it.

So long, Farewell

Julianne's farewell in church was two days before leaving for the MTC. She shared the day with one of her "core four" besties. Lauren was her first friend when we moved her ten years ago, so how appropriate and fun to be preparing for missions at the same time and then give their farewell talks together. Plus, talk about some serious Sister power in that meeting!

(The "Core Four"... Jessie with a mission call to Bakersfield, California-English speaking, Lauren with a mission call to Paris, France-French speaking, Julianne with a mission call to Morristown, New Jersey-Spanish speaking, and Taylor who just married her sweetheart 6 weeks ago. These girls...all grown up and going off into the world. Oh my heart!)

Julianne was asked to speak about the temple. She loved the opportunity to really think about her feelings for and the things she had learned about and in the temple. And though I know that my daughter is quite a deep thinker, very perceptive and incredibly thoughtful, I was still kind of blown away at some of the insights she shared...things that I hadn't ever really thought about in all my many years of going to the temple.

And then if that weren't enough, Rebekah and her boyfriend Tanner got up right afterwards to sing a beautiful musical number, a duet about the Savior. Then it was Lauren's turn. And just wow, what a meeting! I had been incredibly frazzled and emotional leading up to Sacrament Meeting...all the preparations for the open house afterwards, the stress of making sure Julianne was ready to go on Tuesday, the emotions of her leaving...all just weighing so heavily. But the spirit of that meeting somehow calmed me and buoyed me up.

After Sacrament Meeting we hosted...breakfast? Lunch? It was breakfast time but more of a lunch type of spread. So brunch? Lots of various kinds of food for all to come enjoy while they mingled and chatted and said their goodbyes to Julianne. I can't count how many we fed. There were so many at the house, some that I didn't even see and was only told later that they had been there. There were many that came to the church meeting to wish Julianne well, but were unable to come to the house afterwards. And though I tried to take pictures, I didn't even think about pulling out my camera until many had already left.  And then after the three hour church block ended, we had neighbors drop by, and other relatives. I was so very touched by all the visitors. So many people, some making very long drives, all wanting to support Julianne and make sure she knew how much they love and admire her.

 (Couldn't stop laughing at Melissa's photo bomb as she threw herself unexpectedly into the picture at the last minute...)

 (Aww....I look at Julianne's "core four" and see my own "musketeers"...my childhood besties. If Julianne's four end up having a relationship later in life anywhere close to what I have with my musketeers then she will be very rich indeed.)