I went to voice lessons yesterday. I'm working on a German song. "Du Bist Die Ruh." I struggle mightily with German. Italian and French are much easier. Things have been so busy the past few weeks that I have not spent the time practicing this song that I should have...and therefore, even though I'm supposed to perform it at the master class next week, am only just barely feeling like I'm getting the pronunciation right, let alone getting the darn words memorized! Gary was practicing what he calls "tough love" on me and was making me do some on the spot memorization. I was getting more and more frustrated because those words were just NOT sinking in! And all of the sudden I realized that I was going to cry. What?? Luckily for me Gary, as well as being my voice teacher, has also turned into one of my very dearest friends so he was very understanding. He already knows that every September I tend to go into anxiety mode as I try to get back into the structure of school. It's strange really, because I like having a schedule and structure to our days. But having it all start up at the same time as all the other extra curricular activities....I just find myself kind of at odds as I try to adjust to it all.
So as we found ourselves suddenly in the midst of my emotional moment, Gary pulled back on the "tough love" and decided that maybe it would be best to look at the words more closely, the translation, so I knew what I was really singing about. "Du Bist Die Ruh" translated means "Thou Art Rest."
Thou art rest and gentle peace,
Thou art longing, and that which stills it.
I consecrate to thee, with my joys and griefs,
As thy dwelling place, my eyes and heart.
Enter into me and close thou
The gates softly behind thee:
Drive other griefs from this breast,
Let this heart be filled with thy joys.
My world of sight thy radiance
Alone can illuminate. O, fill it to the full!
Oh, my. It's like a prayer, this song. Did I need that message! All the sudden this song took on new meaning. And as I then sang through the song in German, Gary said the words along with me in English. Which of course, made me cry even harder, actually. Even if I still don't get the song memorized in time, this song will have much more meaning for me now.
And I hope that when I do start to feel anxious and stressed I can think of the words to this song... and turn to my Heavenly Father, invite him more fully into my weeks, days and minutes. Let Him help me so I can let go of this anxiety and become more peaceful and balanced....so I can become a better wife and mother, friend, neighbor, child, sister and daughter of God.