Live Deliberately

My last post has become the 3rd highest viewed post since I started this blog back in 2008.  I wasn't really sure why, at first.
A fluke?
Bad weather outside equals more on-line time?
It'd been almost a week since my last post and you all missed me?  (HA!)

But then I realized what it must be.  The title.  My post is titled "A ridiculously long time in coming..."
Tell the truth...you all thought I was making some big announcement, didn't you?


To clear the record, clean the slate, etc...

I am NOT pregnant.
We are NOT moving.
We are STILL happily married.
Rebekah is NOT legally licensed to drive.
The man cave is still NOT done.
I have NOT lost 10 pounds.  (darn)
Etc, etc, etc.

Sorry if I unearthed your inner gossip.  No big news here.

In all actuality I feel like I'm in a rut.  I'm busy, certainly.  In fact, for the past few days I've had so much going on that I've felt like I've been living in the land of crazy!  But somehow despite that, I feel like I'm in a rut.  I get up and do the same things day after day.  I don't wake up excited about my to-do list.  I don't even make a to-do list.  And though I have a desire to change this pattern, I'm having a hard time making myself do it.  A self-defeating, spiraling cycle.

Maybe it's a bad case of January-itis.  Though normally I really like January.
Maybe I'm missing performing....I've taken the last few months off from voice lessons.
Maybe I need more sleep.  (probably)
Maybe I spend way too much time each morning sitting in front of my computer checking emails, commenting on FB, reading blogs, writing blogs and just surfing the internet in general.

Realistically, I think I'm not using my time well.  I feel like I'm letting life just happen to me and then reacting to it, rather than living deliberately.  Which makes me, well...kind of depressed.  So then, feeling bad, I sit around.  And let life happen to me some more.  Which then makes me more depressed.  You see the cycle here?  I go to bed each night feeling like I didn't really do anything with my day...knowing full well that it is my own fault. 

I have a good, full life.  And I am happy.  I am blessed with good and sweet children, a beautiful home and a husband who not only loves me but supports me in my hobbies...singing and choirs, running and biking, etc.  I have interesting and varied friends from all phases of my life that I still frequently get together with.  My live is GOOD.  So why do I feel this way?

Honestly, I hesitate to say any of this.  I'm pretty sure that it is just winter blues or something equally silly.  Chances are good that I will feel much better next week.  But in the meantime...maybe I should look at making some changes in my daily life.  Changes wrapped around living deliberately, looking at each day as a gift and using my time more productively and wisely.

Some thoughts from Elder Ian S. Arderm's talk in General Conference that really jumped out at me last October:  
*With the demands made of us, we must learn to prioritize our choices to match our goals or risk being exposed to the winds of procrastination and being blown from one time-wasting activity to another.

*I know our greatest happiness comes as we tune in to the Lord and to those things which bring a lasting reward, rather than mindlessly tuning in to countless hours of status updates, Internet farming, and catapulting angry birds at concrete walls. I urge each of us to take those things which rob us of precious time and determine to be their master, rather than allowing them through their addictive nature to be the master of us.

I decided back in December that my New Years resolution/Word of the Year should be Live Deliberately.  Last year it was Essential.  The year before that it was Balance.  And as I thought more about it I realized that basically they all mean the same thing.  Balancing my time and activities, doing the Essential things first, Living Deliberately so I'm not just reacting to whatever life throws at me...    Each year's word may have a slightly different spin but obviously I still haven't got this concept right.  This is something I struggle with and need continued work on.

So I'm hoping as I make some changes in how I live my daily life, I can pull myself out of this self-defeating little rut that I find myself frequently inhabiting.  Wish me luck that I can Live Deliberately this year!   

A ridiculously long time in coming...

I've FINALLY updated my family pictures on the wall in the front hallway.  Though I'd updated the two frames of kid pics to include Lilian, the official family portrait up there was still the one taken back in 2005 or something.  Brandon was 4 years old.  Lilian wasn't even a twinkle in our eye yet.  I wasn't yet a brunette!  (Funny side note: my visiting teacher came over one day, took a look at the blonde me and joked, "So...Bryan's first wife?"  Not many people in this neighborhood know that I'm originally a blonde.)  So yes, needless to say, a new family portrait was way overdue.

But then after FINALLY arranging to get our family portraits taken (Jon Woodbury Photography.  Trust me, he's amazing!) it took me another year and a half to get them printed and hung.  You've seen the pictures....because I've used them for so many things in the past 18 months, including the header at the top of this blog.  But indecisiveness (as well as laziness) played a big part in my procrastination.  The original dilemma...which of the fabulous plethora of pictures should I pick?  And then...should I just pick one and blow it up huge?  Or a collage of many?  One big and a few small or all the same size?  Canvas or not?  New frames or keep the sizes to fit in the old?  Yeah...I made it way more hard than it needed to be.  Finally I made it my number one priority last week and MADE A DECISION!  A trip to Costco, a trip to Michaels for frames, and then tons of help from Bryan (who was, in all honesty, more than willing to help because it meant he got to play with his new laser level) we got those beauties hung.  I couldn't be more pleased with the result.

And as long as I'm showing off house decor, I might as well point out my new(ish) runner.  Pretty, yes?  I think it warms up the hallway nicely.  (In looks as well as bare feet in the winter.)  Originally I bought the runner (from IKEA) for the hallway coming in from the front door.  But then for kicks one day I moved it to this section of the wood flooring leading to the kitchen and I liked that too!  So off I ran to IKEA for another identical one.  (If you look closely, you can see the other runner leading to the front door in the above picture.)  Next up:  Hopefully curtains for the living room windows.

Favorite Photo Friday: Unhappy Brandon

August 2007

Buying a house is a pretty big deal.  Because realistically, it's more than just buying a house.  Especially when you are looking for a place to settle for the long haul.  The neighborhood, the community, the schools....but mostly, will this house be a home?  Throughout the decision making process, I made a lot of spur of the moment drives that ended with me in the idling car, staring up at the under construction house and trying to imagine ourselves in it.  Was this to be our future home...or not?  (It was.)
 
Six year old Brandon was less than thrilled about this particular spur of the moment drive.  Mostly about the fact that I made him come with me when he would've much preferred to be doing something else entirely.  And judging from the look on his face...he wasn't shy about making sure his displeasure was known.

Loving history

 I just read a novel called "The Historian" by Elizabeth Kostova.  It was a conflicting read for me.  I didn't want to read it and at the same time, I couldn't put it down.  The plot was utterly fascinating...and completely creepy.  The title thrilled me...and yet the subject matter (vampires generally, Dracula specifically) frightened me.  History and horror...all in the same book.  One thing that I was not at all conflicted about, the writing was absolutely phenomenal.  The details, details, details.  Oh, the descriptive details!  Each country visited was described in all its senses...colors and tastes and smells.  The culture, the people, the panoramic views...and most importantly, to me anyhow, the history of it all.  Elizabeth Kostova brought it to life for me and I was in heaven.

The book revolves around academia, the main characters being historians and anthropologists.  Professors and students.  A lot of descriptions of studying, researching and writing thesis papers.  Libraries and archives...detailed descriptions of incredibly old and incredibly valuable books and papers.  (Even Dracula himself, quite the intellectual, loved books so much that he had a super-secret, underground library that he prized highly...enough to brutally kidnap one of our main historian heroes to make him the official librarian of his collection.)  And maybe this makes me seem dusty, old and boring myself...depending on how you view history...but I reveled in it.  Though it has been nearly 15 years since I graduated with that history degree from the University of Utah, I was reminded and buoyed once again in the knowledge that I chose the right path of study.  This book made me want to be in college again, made me want to study and research and write papers again.  (Crazy as that sounds, right?)  It also made me want to read about ancient history and cultures more thoroughly.  My historical study tended to be more recent.  American history was a particular fascination for me and let's face it, America is an infant in comparison to other countries, peoples, cultures, empires.  Bryan once called my historical interests morbid, and rightly so...because other than American history, I tended to gravitate towards studying wars and shipwrecks.  (I was a Titanic buff long before the movie came out and it became popular to be so.)  My final 20 page research paper was on the French Revolution (Madame Guillotine was rather morbid as well).  So though I have a smattering of knowledge about the Ottoman Empire and Byzantium...it's only rudimentary.  I'd like to change that. 

I tell you what, though....I doubt I'll do much research into Dracula.  He was a real person, you realize?  Vlad Tepes, Prince of Wallachia.  You've heard of Vlad the Impaler, yes?  Dubbed thus for his propensity to impale people on spikes, among other such horrific methods for killing.  The name Dracula comes from being the son of Vlad II, Dracul....who was a member of The Order of the Dragon.  The vampire stuff was all myth, Bram Stoker's classic novel, and Hollywood.  However, in this novel "The Historian" the main characters discover that in fact, the undead/vampire myth was actually not a myth at all.  And whenever any of these historians tried to research Dracula in an attempt to find his tomb...awful, horrible and creepy things started happening.  It was so unsettling (1st class chicken, me...remember?) that I actually started worrying about the fact that by reading the book, now I KNEW too much information.  Seriously, I had to keep reminding myself that THIS IS A NOVEL!  All the same, I think I'll leave that historical figure and his subsequent fame and myth alone for awhile until I can sleep again.... 

Sitting room update:

Remember when last January I turned Lilian's old-room-turned-empty-extra-room into my own little "mom-cave" sitting room?  (See here.)  Though that marked the initial transformation, a lot of things remained undone....details that have the past few months been slowly but surely making their way into that room.  Details that I think make the room look very obviously "Sarah."  And after my most recent Christmas purchase I'm going to officially call the room complete.  

 A view from the door.  Can you pick out any of my new additions or my Christmas purchase yet?

Facing the opposite direction towards the hallway...

 That table in the corner is new...mission style, matching the bookshelf and side table.  I needed something to hold all the gadgets...you know, the DVD player, the Directv box, the remotes, etc.

 Bryan's parents found this sign on a garage sale adventure with my children while Bryan and I were in NYC.  They thought it was appropriate, paid a whopping $2 for it and presented it to me with big smiles when we arrived home a few days later.  Appropriate, absolutely.  I immediately hung it on the wall above the craft closet.

It took me a little while to decide what to put in these little box shelves on the wall.  It may change down the road but for now I've got an hourglass with green sand, a little aztec-ish vase that I bought at a pottery factory in college while I was on a singing tour in southern Utah.  And then my little ceramic owl that I bought in the dollar section of Target.  (Obsessed with owls.  That would be me.)

 I found this pillow on my first ever trip to Home Goods.  Bikes!!  Couldn't resist....

 This owl canvas from Pier 1 is now hanging on the wall just inside the door.  Yes.  More owls.  Obsessed.  I told you.

My lime green foot-rest/box to hide stuff in is from Target.  Right now it has my very favorite of all blankets...my black and white Mickey blanket...inside it.  And realistically, Mickey is usually out on the couch because he gets snuggled with pretty much daily.

And last, but certainly not least...my brand new Christmas chair!  My Dad kept telling me that as awesome as my new sitting room was, I still needed a chair in front of the window.  I agreed with him.  And although this might not be what he was imagining (my guess is he was thinking more reclining-easy-chair) I LOVE this!!  Look at those buttons!  And the metal stand!  And the leather (okay...faux)!  It's so comfy...I just conform into its shape when I sit in it.


Now my biggest problem is that my children all think the room is so awesome (deservedly) that they prefer to watch TV there rather than downstairs on the big screen.  "It's not cozy down there, Mom!"  Sigh.
I'm now in the process of "cozifying" the room downstairs so I can officially kick them out of my sitting room and they will stop complaining. 
Remember this?
It's part of a larger travel theme I've got going on in that room.  It's all very close to being done, but I'm waiting to get rid of the exercise equipment in the room (treadmill, rowing machine, stall bars) which are all going out to Bryan's "man cave" in the very near future. 

Ahh....winter

Looks like Mother Nature got my letter.  The "brush-by storm" that the forecasters predicted would leave very little accumulation in the mountains and maybe a few flurries in the valley was, happily, off.  I bounded out of bed when Bryan informed me that there was "a lot of snow outside."  Five inches!!  Julianne and Lilian made a snowman (do you like his celery nose?  We were out of carrots...) while I shoveled the driveway.  It took me 2 full hours seeing as I still have yet to invest in a snow blower despite our fairly large driveway.  And I was reminded that snow is slippery...as I unexpectedly crashed to the ground during one pass with the shovel.  (Ouch.)  But my sore shoulders and back tell me that I got a good workout.  (Again, ouch.)  And I am beyond thrilled that winter has finally arrived.  Now lets hope for a good repeat performance....soon!     

Julianne talked me into arranging a skating party Saturday night.  It seemed appropriate seeing as we were all feeling very wintery.  I sat on the spectator benches and read a book while they skated.  And although I regret somewhat not strapping some skates onto my own feet and joining them, it was fun to watch them spin around and around holding hands.  Julianne has some really great friends.

Hiding chocolate...

Do you see what I see???  Tucked in there behind Bryan's shirts amongst his boxes of bullets....
Look a little more closely:

That would be MY chocolate orange.  I could've sworn I had stashed two of them in my not- so secret chocolate drawer in my bedside table.  When I went looking for it and only found the remnants of box and gold wrapper...I scratched my head and thought and thought.  Had I opened and eaten the second one?  I didn't remember doing so.  I thought I'd only eaten the first.  But in the midst of the crazy Christmas season...a time when the chocoholic in me tends to manifest itself a little more decidedly...maybe I had mindlessly whacked and unwrapped the thing and had been snitching on it all along, not really paying attention.  Hmmm.

But then yesterday Lilian kept begging for chocolate.  Specifically for the chocolate she was sure was hiding in my closet.  I smiled.  As much as I wished she were correct, I confidently informed her that there was absolutely NO chocolate in my closet.  So I was rather stunned when she pulled back Bryan's shirts to reveal my second chocolate orange....the one that I had convinced myself that I must've eaten....hiding there. 

BRYAN!!!

Well...I have to say, if he hadn't hidden it away, I wouldn't be having the pleasure of snacking on it today.  So for that, at least, I am grateful.

Favorite Photo Friday

Lilian.  Spring 2008.  Yet one more example of a blonde deciding that it's the brunettes who truly have the most fun....

Wednesday

* I took down the Christmas decorations yesterday.  It made me unexpectedly sad, which isn't normal for me.  As much as I love Christmas and the coziness of my home with all the lights and greenery, I'm usually more than ready to pull it all down around New Years.  I changed things up a bit this year in how I decorated....added some new things, went more simple with others...and I really loved the way it all turned out.  I think also, that my quest to try a little harder to be less stressed and to enjoy the season more, find joy in the never ending tasks and errands, be really home when I was actually home and try to seek the spirit of Christmas...the spirit of Christ throughout the month....worked.  Was I perfect at it?  No.  Do I already have plans and ideas for making next year even better?  Yes.  But I think all of that combined to make me a little teary boxing up all the decorations yesterday. 

* I signed up to do the Women of Steel triathlon in May.  When I competed in WOS in 2009 it was my first race EVER.  When I signed up, I didn't really know how to swim.  I couldn't run more than 1.5 miles...and usually had to stop a couple of times to walk.  I had to actually go out and BUY A BIKE before I could compete.  Yeah, I think this year I'm quite a bit ahead of the game.  That being said, I still think the swim will kick my trash.  Time to start training!

* I planted 2 amaryllis and 1 paperwhite bulb last night.  I can't decide whether to let them grow on my kitchen table or on the hearth in my living room.  Either way, I'm excited about watching them bloom.

* Watching a Youtube video of David Archuleta sing "I'm Trying to be Like Jesus," Lilian proclaimed, "I can sing better than him!".....and then proceeded to sing the song with the most lovely (insert sarcasm) vibrato you've ever heard.  Apparently vibrato = beautiful and accomplished singing in her mind.

* The big, ugly, blue dumpster which has made its home in my driveway for the past 6 weeks got removed today.  And I immediately did the most spirited "happy dance" you can imagine.  Because not only was that thing a huge eyesore, it also made it impossible to park in my garage.  And I am sick of scraping the windshield every morning...something that was seriously difficult owing to the fact that I am short and my truck is not!

* I've totally become immersed in my new book, "The Historian" by Elizabeth Kostova.  We are reading it for book club this month and I am hosting...duties include not only making sure my house is nice and neat and providing lots of yummy treats, but also finding thought provoking questions and leading the discussion.  I was conflicted about this.  Because although I'm secretly and geekishly thrilled about being the one to host a book with this title, the book is about vampires...Dracula, specifically, and is a freaky thriller that I have been worried will give me nightmares.  I'm only on page 78 of 676 so sleepless nights may very well be in my future.  (I am a first-class chicken, you see.) But so far it's so engaging that I can scarcely put it down! 

* I participated in a fire drill at the elementary school today.  Once a week I spend about a half hour stuffing folders for Brandon's teacher....notes home, stuff from the PTA, corrected assignments, etc.  I've been doing this since the beginning of the year.  And since then I have participated in 4 fire drills.  They say they have them only once a month...and today I was there on a different day than usual...but somehow, I was there during fire drill time once again.  I fully admit to groaning out loud when the darn thing went off.  Seriously...I was ALMOST done!  (Apparently I missed the earthquake drill in November.  Bummer, cause I actually would've been interested in that one.)

* Sushi tonight!  Bryan claims we need to eat at Happy Sumo more often.  I wholeheartedly support this plan.

* I want it to snow so bad I can hardly stand it...

Happy New Year!

We rang in the New Year with our good friend Heather and her children.  Though all of our teenagers went out with friends, somehow they made it back before midnight with scant minutes to spare, deciding that they wanted to bring in the New Year with family...and all the various flavors of sparkling cider we had chilling in the fridge.  We had our toasting and kissing...but the party didn't stop when the toll hit 12.  We went right back to our games and snacks and continued to party till around 2:00 when we realized that if we didn't go to bed there was no way, no how we were going to make it up for 9:00 church in the morning....and Julianne was scheduled to give a talk in Sacrament Meeting so sleeping through the alarm would've been rather disastrous.  We found extra bedding, pillows, cots and foam pads to bed everyone down for the night and after 5 hours of sleep, blearily got up again and into our church clothes.  Bless our stake president for deciding that Sacrament Meeting was the only meeting we would be attending today.  Because though being in church was kind of a neat way to start the New Year (and Julianne did fabulously well on her talk) it was heavenly to come right back home, put on our pajamas, make a big breakfast...and then go back to bed!

Naps completed, we started in on Phase 2 of the New Years weekend: more games and food, yes...but this time, a couple of movies too.  One more big sleepover is in the works for tonight before we reluctantly pull ourselves out of our holiday revelry and back into some kind of order...just in time for school to start up again on Tuesday.