Last year was not my best. I have a hard time really pinning down why I feel that way because in many ways it was a really great year. But personally, I did not feel like I put my best foot forward. I would say that I got lazy, and yet I'm not sure I've ever been as busy. And maybe that was the problem. When I was home, I didn't want to do anything but sit. So despite my best laid plans to use my time wisely and be productive...well, I didn't and wasn't. So with my house always a mess and with projects never getting done, I found myself feeling in turns apathetic and anxious. Slacking in my essential things such as personal scripture study, family prayer, consistent exercise certainly didn't help. I felt like I was getting nothing done...and yet at the same time, doing so much that I was flying by the seat of my pants. 2012 was just a strange contradiction all the way around.
I have high hopes for 2013. I'm feeling optimistic and hopeful...feelings that I have had in short supply over the past 12 months. It's nice to feel that way again. To be excited about goals and projects. But I'm wary. What do I tackle? There are so many little things...is there one overreaching goal I could make to kind of cover it all? But here's what I did come up with. And realistically, I didn't come up with it myself...I lifted it from a friend, but it more or less encompassed what I was thinking. And it is this...
Live each day with purpose and passion.
Which realistically means that each day will be different. What can I do that specific day, with all that I want or need to accomplish on my to-do list, to live with purpose and passion? It certainly means that I need to make conscious decisions each day rather than just let the day happen to me. And one thing that I think will be a big help with that...turn off my computer. I spend more and more of my downtime on my computer. Or time that shouldn't really be downtime, but is because I'm tired and don't want to wash the dishes or put away the laundry or go grocery shopping. It's how I de-stress...some people sit in front of the TV, I sit in front of the computer screen.
You are still going to see plenty of blog posts. And I'm nowhere close to pulling of facebook for good. We live in an ever increasingly electronic world. Among multiple other things, I pay my bills, do much of my shopping, research various topics and make travel plans on-line. I write this blog which has become not only my way of preserving a little bit of our family history but also a satisfying outlet for writing which I'm enjoying more and more. I am in charge of both a blog and a facebook page for my singing group, Higher Ground. I am in charge of the stake music website (supposedly...still working on figuring that out.) My husband is a computer guru...computers are a big part of our home life. But moderation in all things, yes? If my computer is completely and totally shut down for certain parts of the day, it won't be as easy for me to find myself drifting aimlessly over to "just check email for a minute" which then turns into an hour. An hour that is not always spent living with purpose or passion.
So though I'm also trying to go to bed earlier, eat better, exercise more, read my scriptures consistently, be a stickler about making sure family prayer happens each and every evening, and be a more present mother and wife...I think all of those things will be easier to do if I make a conscious decision to live each day with purpose and passion. And right now, I'm starting by logging off my computer.