March-ness

We celebrated Brandon's 19th birthday a week early when he was in town for Spring Break. Living in Cedar City makes it so we don't see Brandon as much as we saw the girls when they were in college. Logan to the north and Provo to the south are still only a little over an hour drive away. Brandon's drive is 3.5 hours which means he's less likely to want to make the seven hour round trip for just a short weekend. It was nice to gather...the first time we'd all been together since Christmas and since the coronavirus hit. The temperatures were up in the 50's and since we'd all been staying mostly indoors at home due everything being shut down, closed and cancelled, and the no-gatherings-over-ten rule it felt incredibly nice to go to the nearby park together to play some games. (Yay for being a family of less than ten!)

In other March-ness...

A few days before school shut down Lilian had an orchestra concert. She auditioned for and made first chair in the cello section this semester. 

This was our last Young Women activity before church shut down. Spending Wednesday nights with these amazing girls is such a delight. 

When you are doing online school and the weather is somewhat decent, it makes it possible to do your work from the backyard.

Yoga is always a good idea to alleviate stress...

When each day kind of looks the same in terms of errands (none), school (online), girls nights (unsafe), rehearsals (cancelled), church (at home)...you tend to find your wardrobe changing up a bit. Sweats are the new norm. I'm kind of looking at it as a healthy re-set for my hair and skin as I'm realizing what's the point of make-up and hairspray? And bras? Don't even get me started. It's all about comfort. 

But when you do have to go to the grocery store...

Ha! Not really. But we did get a laugh when Bryan came in from his man cave to model his new pandemic wear. 

For some odd reason there has been a run on toilet paper. It's been the strangest thing. It's become so hard to obtain that people are standing in long lines first thing in the morning at Costco and various grocery stores to try to score some. I understand the idea having a bit of extra food on hand in case you get sick and can't get to the store is wise. I get that TP is one of those essential items you want to make sure you have. But why in the world are people hoarding it? Once toilet paper became scarce people snatched up all the kleenex and paper towels in its place. We are lucky that we had some extra in our basement already. But little by little we've been going through it and I'd been hoping that when we did indeed run out, this TP craziness would be over and the shelves would be stocked again. I was starting to worry that might not be the case. Bryan happened to be picking up some groceries on a Sunday morning when a shipment of the precious stuff was brought in. He grabbed two packages and then sent this text to his siblings and parents...

Someone posted this on instagram and it seemed spot on. 

Unprecedented

"Did you find MOST everything on your list today?" asked the cashier from behind his protective plexiglass screen at the grocery store this morning. It made me laugh as I realized how they had changed their traditional check-out greeting.

Last Friday I took my carefully thought-out grocery list to the store to pick up some items to make some meals for my family over the next few days. Brandon was home from college for Spring Break. With school now officially online, Rebekah and Tanner had also just arrived with an unknown return date to their apartment in Logan. We had more mouths than usual to fill. A few days before that, I'd been to the grocery store and found it packed with people stocking up. Every check out counter was open and lines stretched down the aisles. It took me 30 minutes to purchase my items, and I'd only gone in for chocolate, dog food, flowers and eye liner...you know, the essentials.

But back to last Friday...I walked in to what seemed almost ghost-town like. It was eerily quiet. There weren't many shoppers that evening and the majority were, like me, there by themselves so there wasn't a lot of chatter. I realized there wasn't any music playing on the overhead...something that I don't usually really notice when it's playing, but was incredibly obvious when it wasn't. And the shelves were empty. Barren. Decimated. I hadn't seen toilet paper in weeks, but pasta, flour and sugar, oatmeal, eggs, cheese, etc were also now just gone. Shelves that did have items were picked over with a lot less product choice. When I took my purchases to the cashier she mindlessly asked me "Did you find everything you were looking for?" I laughed then too, but in a more sarcastic way as I called her out on her greeting. She joined my laughter as she realized her traditional words were never so inappropriate as they are during this time. Because of course I didn't find everything I needed. Has anyone found everything they were looking for in the past week?

That evening I drove home with my stomach in knots of anxiety. As I took my groceries into the house and started mechanically putting things away, Bryan came in and tried to engage me in some lighthearted, flirty banter. He was surprised when in response I started to cry. Truth be told, I surprised myself. Where had those tears come from? Wasn't I made of stronger stuff than this? And I realized that maybe this odd trip to the store had been the breaking point after a few weeks of telling myself and everyone around me that I was fine. We were fine.

Every day we've been bombarded with news of more closures, restrictions, and changes...the likes of which I'd never seen in my 46 years. Absolutely unprecedented. Thoughts of how bad this coronavirus could get, how long it would last, and worries about loved ones getting sick have been worrisome and kept me at a consistent low level feeling of unease. But I had a comfortable home with plenty of books to read, movies to watch, games to play and projects to keep me busy. It was weird to feel like staying home was a requirement, not a choice, but we were fine! Which was all accurate and true! But I think my breakdown last Friday night was the realization that fine or not, there's a lot about this situation that plain old sucks. Fear of the unknown is unsettling. And maybe it's okay to acknowledge it at the same time as I make plans to be strong and find some good in all of this.

For the record...
*We are under a stay-at-home directive, something that may become officially mandated if we don't voluntarily do so.
*Schools are closed and kids from Kindergarten up through college are doing classes on-line.
*Sunday church services and all activities are cancelled for the foreseeable future. We are asked to worship from home and Priesthood holders have been authorized to bless and administer the sacrament to their own families.
*Temples are closed.
*Most stores and restaurants are closed. Some stores are operating online and restaurants offering take-out if you call ahead.
*Grocery stores are deemed "essential" but have set aside certain hours for the high risk elderly to shop, and then only 50% capacity during regular hours which often means waiting to get in. Lines outside and in the check-out registers have marks on the floor instructing people where to stand in an effort to keep everyone 6 feet apart. Plexiglass barriers between the checkers and customers have been erected. One way only signs as you make your way through the aisles. Employees are sanitizing each cart as you walk in, and there are hand sanitizing stations throughout the store.
*We are not allowed to gather in groups larger than 10.
*Buzz phrases of the month: In "an abundance of caution" we are being asked to practice "social distancing" in an effort to "flatten the curve."
     Abundance of caution: being overly careful
     Social Distancing: staying at least 6 feel apart from each other, and even better...interacting via technology rather than in person.
     Flatten the curve: an attempt to not overwhelm hospitals with everyone getting sick at once.

Rockin and a Rollin'

I was abruptly awakened from a dead sleep on Wednesday the 18th to some loud crashes, creaks and groans and my bed shaking. What in the world was going on? My mind quickly raced through some possibilities. Wind storm? No...a quick glance out the window showed me that the tree branches were not whipping around. A flyover by the jets from nearby Hill Air Force Base? No...I couldn't hear the tell-tale sound of the loud engines. These are both things that as a resident of Davis County shake my house on the regular. I dismissed both options within seconds and came to the surprising but unmistakable conclusion: EARTHQUAKE! And interestingly, more than shaking, it felt like more of an intense rolling sensation. I sat there in a bit of a panic trying to figure out what to do. Should I run to Lilian or was it safer to stay put? Should I call out to her to see if she was okay? But what if she was somehow sleeping through it...I didn't want to alarm her. The earthquake seemed to go on forever but in all actuality lasted about 20 seconds. Oscar and I rode it out together on my bed and then raced to Lilian's room when the rockin' and rollin' settled down. She was sitting straight up in bed, eyes wide. "Was that...??" she asked, "An earthquake!!" I answered. And then suddenly the floor started rolling and her bedroom door started to sway... "It's happening again!" Lilian exclaimed. I assured her it was an aftershock which was normal, and that we'd likely continue to feel them throughout the day. I hurried down the hall to assess damage considering I had heard some pretty loud crashes during the initial quake and found Brandon standing on the stairs having been also jolted awake by the earth moving beneath him. "Earthquake?" "Yep, earthquake." 

I found my big canvas painting on the floor from where it had taken a dive from the fireplace mantle, a little dinged and dented but still okay. Not so okay were some vintage glass bottles that had been swept down with the painting. Also damaged was the framed picture of the Bountiful Temple that had taken its own dive from the downstairs fireplace mantle.





















Bryan had been driving to work when the earthquake hit. He was listening to the radio when he saw what looked like a huge bolt of lightning flash through the sky further south in Salt Lake City and then the radio went dead for a few seconds. He didn't notice the shaking, attributing it to just driving over some rough road. When the radio came back the DJ's were yelling, "Earthquake, earthquake!!!!" 

We spent the day responding to texts from family, and posts on social media as well as pouring over the news reports coming in throughout the day. We discovered the quake was classified as a 5.7 on the richter scale and was centered in Magna, Utah. Not huge, but still the largest we'd had here in Utah since the 1930's when there was a 6.6.  We still have friends living in our old neighborhood in Magna and it was interesting to hear of their experiences...the intensity of the shaking and the damage in their homes of course much more severe than our own 30 miles north.

(The Angel Moroni atop the Salt Lake Temple lost his trumpet in the quake leading to a lot of funny memes...)

It was equal parts fascinating and unnerving to feel so many aftershocks throughout the day and week following the main quake...more than 200 altogether, though we only felt the ones that were at least a 3 on the richter scale. Oscar spent the day following me everywhere I went and cuddled up at my side when I stopped to sit at my computer or on the couch. Anytime the house started creaking his head would pop up and his eyes would get wide.

Wednesday the 18th was meant to be the first day of online distance learning for the kids after schools had closed Friday the 13th. We joked that maybe this was Mother Nature's way of giving the kids a little alarm clock jolt to get them moving so they wouldn't be tempted to sleep in even though they didn't have to catch the bus and check into their physical classrooms. It certainly did give a bit of a break from the non-stop Coronavirus news, at least here in Utah.

Friday the 13th

"What were you doing when {blank} happened?" "Where were you when you heard the news?" 

You know those moments, right? The ones that you'll always remember...where you were, what you were doing, when the planes hit the World Trade Towers? Or when Regan was shot? When the space shuttle Columbia exploded? Those are moments that are ingrained into my memory. I'm sure those older than me have similar experiences of when JFK died, when Neil Armstrong walked on the moon. 

This is what I was doing when the pandemic started. Or at least when it started in earnest for me. Of course we've been hearing about the coronavirus causing havoc in China since around Christmas, and then Europe after the New Year. There has been much talk the past couple months about how seriously we should take it. Should we potentially prepare for this and maybe buy a few extra grocery items to store in our pantries and freezers, or is the media overhyping it? The week leading up to this particular day had already been a little unnerving. Things were closing and cancelling. The church had already announced changes to stake and general conferences, missions, etc. "Dear Evan Hansen" that we'd just seen on Monday had announced they were closing down and cancelling any future shows on their tour. (I am hugely thankful our tickets were for early in the week seeing as those who were scheduled to go Friday or Saturday ended up being out of luck.) Each morning this past week I've woken up thinking, "Well, surely today won't be as strange as yesterday...nothing can top that!" But then it would and we'd go to bed reeling once again. 

Friday I decided to paint my room. I've had the paint for a few months but have been procrastinating. Painting is not my favorite thing to do, even if I love how it looks afterwards. I was listening to a podcast when I got a group text from a neighbor asking if we'd seen the news? She joked about her kids now being able to call her Mrs. K-----. Hot on its heels came a text from Lilian rejoicing about the fact that schools across Utah had been closed for the next two weeks. (Three weeks for our district since Spring Break was scheduled for the week afterwards.) What??? I climbed off my ladder and immediately turned on the Governor's press conference, already in session, and listened to the news while I continued to paint. This school closure, though not entirely unexpected, was what cemented the seriousness of this, what finally made it more real than it had been before. "And so it begins" was the thought that went through my head. I don't know how long this will last. I don't know what other restrictions, closures, cancellations, or precautions might be in our future. But wow, this Friday the 13th will always be a memorable one for me. 

Dear Evan Hansen

 I saw this show for the first time with Julianne in NYC last summer. It blew me away. I thought I knew the show well. And as far as the plot and music goes, I suppose that was mostly accurate. What I didn't fully understand was the emotion and passion of the show. I remember when the lights came up for intermission, I couldn't stop crying. Julianne was asking for my thoughts on the show thus far, but I was so emotional I couldn't speak and it took me some time to get myself under control enough to be able to answer her. 

So when the time came for Dear Evan Hansen to travel to Salt Lake City, I bought an extra ticket so I could take Lilian with me. The show touches on some very timely messages that I thought would be good for her to see and hear as she's heading into her teen years. I thought it would lead to some good conversations about social media, suicide, feeling unseen or different, and what we can do to help others, or combat it ourselves. 

I don't want to make it sound like this show is a downer. It has so many comedic moments. It has a romance. It has some amazing music. And though it talks about some very serious issues, it is also so full of hope and ways in which people can do such good. I love theatre so very much. Sometimes it's solely about entertainment. But there are also shows that really stick with me and have a lasting impact. Dear Heaven Hansen is one of those shows. 

Some rough draft thoughts I wrote down after the show a few nights ago:

*We need to look around and find those who are on the ground in the dark who need be lifted up. There are people who feel invisible, like they don't matter. They need to know they matter and that they are not alone. Be aware of those around us!

*If we are the one on the ground in the dark...reach out!

*We are surrounded by social media, voices everywhere, all the time. Be so careful. It can bring us down..."on the outside always looking in..tap, tap tapping on the glass, waving through a window." But social media can also lift you and be a tool for such good! It all depends on how we use it. 

*"No one should flicker out or have any doubt that it matters that they are here. No one deserves to be forgotten."

The song right before intermission is a heart stopper. So full of heartbreaking truths but also such hope. I could literally hear a collective gasp as the whole audience caught their breath when the lights came up. The man next to me was sobbing quietly. This message...about feeling like you matter, about not being alone...I think every single one of us can relate to it. We've all been in that place where we wonder if we're being seen. And hopefully we've also had times where we've been or can be that friend who reaches out to those who are broken on the ground.

Have you ever felt like nobody was there?
Have you ever felt forgotten in the middle of nowhere?
Have you ever felt like you could disappear?
Like you could fall, and no one would hear?

Well, let that lonely feeling wash away
Maybe there's a reason to believe you'll be okay
'Cause when you don't feel strong enough to stand
You can reach, reach out your hand

And oh, someone will coming running
And I know, they'll take you home

Even when the dark comes crashing through
When you need a friend to carry you
And when you're broken on the ground
You will be found
So let the sun come streaming in
'Cause you'll reach up and you'll rise again
Lift your head and look around
You will be found
You will be found
You will be found
You will be found
You will be found

There's a place where we don't have to feel unknown
(Oh my god, everybody needs to see this)
And every time that you call out
You're a little less alone
(I can't stop watching this video, seventeen years old)
If you only say the word
(Take five minutes, this will make your day)
From across the silence your voice is heard

Share it with the people you love
(Repost, the world needs to hear this)
(A beautiful tribute, favourite!)
(I know someone who really needed to hear this today)
(So thank you Evan Hansen for doing what you're doing)
(I never met you Connor, but coming on here, reading everyone's posts)
(It's so easy to feel alone, but Evan is exactly right—we're not alone, none of us)
(We're not alone, none of us! None of us!)
(None of us are alone) (Like, forward)

Even when the dark comes crashing through
When you need a friend to carry you
When you're broken on the ground
You will be found
So let the sun come streaming in
'Cause you'll reach up and you'll rise again
If you only look around
You will be found (You will be found)
You will be found (You will be found)
You will be found

Out of the shadows
The morning is breaking
And all is new, all is new
It's filling up the empty
And suddenly I see that
All is new, all is new

You are not alone
You are not alone
You are not alone
You are not alone
You are not alone (You are not alone)
You are not alone (You are not alone)
You are not
You are not alone (You are not alone)

Even when the dark comes crashin' through
When you need someone to carry you
When you're broken on the ground
You will be found!
So when the sun comes streaming in
'Cause you'll reach up and you'll rise again
If you only look around
You will be found
You will be found
You will be found
You will be found!

You will be found

Mayor Pete

Seeing as I take my right and privilege to vote seriously, but already knowing I will not be voting for Trump in the 2020 Presidential Election, I have been following the democratic primary candidates closely. A few years ago I removed my name from the Republican party and declared myself Independent/Unaffiliated. I was quite excited to vote in the Democratic primary election and so when I heard that Pete Buttigieg, a candidate I've been very impressed with, was coming to Salt Lake City to do a Town Hall I was excited to attend. I've never been to a Town Hall or any type of political rally. Utah overall tends to get ignored during election season. We are solid red enough that Democrat candidates don't think it's worth the time and money since there's no way it'll make much difference, and Republican candidates don't bother figuring they have us in the bag already. But four years ago for the first time ever Utah was considered a slight battleground state. Trump was not overly popular here for a variety of reasons. He came in dead last during the Republican primary in March, but did end up taking the state during the general election in November, solely because he had an R by his name. But still, with nowhere close to the same high percentages other Republican candidates have enjoyed in the past (a fact that it's said has rankled him.) However, this has made Democrat candidates rethink visits to Utah, especially as we've been moved up to Super Tuesday in the primaries (our primary used to be later in the spring). So we merited a few Town Halls this year and I was excited to take part in this one at least.

Bryan wasn't going to be in town and though I had no problem attending by myself, he worried. Mostly because it was being held on the west side of Salt Lake City in a concert venue, and he was a little concerned about the sketchiness of the area and me being there alone. One of his employees, Cody, who I know pretty well considering he's worked for Guru Labs so long, had also expressed interest in going. He said he'd happily go with me, so the two of us drove down together. I was actually quite glad to have company when the crowds ended up so large that we had to stand for over an hour in a line that wrapped a block down the street and around the corner to get in. And the once inside the building we stood for another 30-40 minutes before the event got started. So we had plenty of time to talk and it was truly nice to have such great conversation. 

Mayor Pete has mad speaking skills. He was engaging, intelligent, interesting and inspiring. And he had the appreciative crowd of 4,500 completely sold on what he'd do for us and our country as Americans. I knew it was a long shot that at his young age and with not as much national political experience that he'd win the Democratic nomination. He did win the Iowa Primary, and then a close second to Bernie Sanders (each getting 9 delegates) in the New Hampshire Primary. But then he started to slide a bit and the day before Super Tuesday and our own Utah Primary, he dropped out and threw his support behind Joe Biden. Who I then voted for. 

But don't take your eye off Mayor Pete....he's someone to watch because he's just getting started. 

Mesquite round three

This was our third trip to Mesquite for soccer. Normally it's a moms/daughters trip. This week Brooke and Mylissa were in Florida chaperoning a drill team trip with their older daughters so this particular soccer tournament ended up being me with the two dads (Darrin and Rob). Pool time, meals and soccer sidelines...the six of us (plus little brother Caleb) hung out all weekend. Chatting revolved around politics, Coronavirus concerns/preparedness, a bit of sports, a bit of religion and work travel. A little different of a dynamic than discussions about drill team, who's dating who, motherhood responsibilities, etc. It was an interesting and fun change, and we had a wonderful time. I'm so thankful for this team and the unity amongst them, but also the friendships between our three specific families, and especially the sweetest bond Lilian, Sophie and Julie share. 

Even  though the first game wasn't until late Thursday afternoon, Lilian and I decided to drive down Wednesday evening, partially so we could sleep in Friday morning and not have to make the long drive the day of play, but also so we could stop to visit Julianne and Jordan in Provo and have dinner with Brandon and Abbie in Cedar City along the way. 

What is it about palm trees that immediately makes you feel like you are on vacation, even if you are only a 5 hour drive away from home? The 7 of us spent a lot of our downtime in this pool and on these lounge chairs under those palm trees. 

Lilian was laughing so hard while trying to float upright on this lounge chair as it continually flipped...

But really we were here for soccer...

Interesting enough...I posted this picture after we arrived home from our trip and received a comment from our next door neighbor in our old 'hood in Centerville that said, "Hey...that's our Ellie in your picture!" We lived next to each other for something like 7 years and got to be pretty good friends. But it's been 12+ years since we moved away and these two girls were just babies...it's no wonder we didn't recognize each other's daughters out on the field. I just wish we had seen each other on the side lines. What a fun reunion that would've been. 

One last picture of the team and the sideline cheerleaders, and we were on our way back home.