Unprecedented

"Did you find MOST everything on your list today?" asked the cashier from behind his protective plexiglass screen at the grocery store this morning. It made me laugh as I realized how they had changed their traditional check-out greeting.

Last Friday I took my carefully thought-out grocery list to the store to pick up some items to make some meals for my family over the next few days. Brandon was home from college for Spring Break. With school now officially online, Rebekah and Tanner had also just arrived with an unknown return date to their apartment in Logan. We had more mouths than usual to fill. A few days before that, I'd been to the grocery store and found it packed with people stocking up. Every check out counter was open and lines stretched down the aisles. It took me 30 minutes to purchase my items, and I'd only gone in for chocolate, dog food, flowers and eye liner...you know, the essentials.

But back to last Friday...I walked in to what seemed almost ghost-town like. It was eerily quiet. There weren't many shoppers that evening and the majority were, like me, there by themselves so there wasn't a lot of chatter. I realized there wasn't any music playing on the overhead...something that I don't usually really notice when it's playing, but was incredibly obvious when it wasn't. And the shelves were empty. Barren. Decimated. I hadn't seen toilet paper in weeks, but pasta, flour and sugar, oatmeal, eggs, cheese, etc were also now just gone. Shelves that did have items were picked over with a lot less product choice. When I took my purchases to the cashier she mindlessly asked me "Did you find everything you were looking for?" I laughed then too, but in a more sarcastic way as I called her out on her greeting. She joined my laughter as she realized her traditional words were never so inappropriate as they are during this time. Because of course I didn't find everything I needed. Has anyone found everything they were looking for in the past week?

That evening I drove home with my stomach in knots of anxiety. As I took my groceries into the house and started mechanically putting things away, Bryan came in and tried to engage me in some lighthearted, flirty banter. He was surprised when in response I started to cry. Truth be told, I surprised myself. Where had those tears come from? Wasn't I made of stronger stuff than this? And I realized that maybe this odd trip to the store had been the breaking point after a few weeks of telling myself and everyone around me that I was fine. We were fine.

Every day we've been bombarded with news of more closures, restrictions, and changes...the likes of which I'd never seen in my 46 years. Absolutely unprecedented. Thoughts of how bad this coronavirus could get, how long it would last, and worries about loved ones getting sick have been worrisome and kept me at a consistent low level feeling of unease. But I had a comfortable home with plenty of books to read, movies to watch, games to play and projects to keep me busy. It was weird to feel like staying home was a requirement, not a choice, but we were fine! Which was all accurate and true! But I think my breakdown last Friday night was the realization that fine or not, there's a lot about this situation that plain old sucks. Fear of the unknown is unsettling. And maybe it's okay to acknowledge it at the same time as I make plans to be strong and find some good in all of this.

For the record...
*We are under a stay-at-home directive, something that may become officially mandated if we don't voluntarily do so.
*Schools are closed and kids from Kindergarten up through college are doing classes on-line.
*Sunday church services and all activities are cancelled for the foreseeable future. We are asked to worship from home and Priesthood holders have been authorized to bless and administer the sacrament to their own families.
*Temples are closed.
*Most stores and restaurants are closed. Some stores are operating online and restaurants offering take-out if you call ahead.
*Grocery stores are deemed "essential" but have set aside certain hours for the high risk elderly to shop, and then only 50% capacity during regular hours which often means waiting to get in. Lines outside and in the check-out registers have marks on the floor instructing people where to stand in an effort to keep everyone 6 feet apart. Plexiglass barriers between the checkers and customers have been erected. One way only signs as you make your way through the aisles. Employees are sanitizing each cart as you walk in, and there are hand sanitizing stations throughout the store.
*We are not allowed to gather in groups larger than 10.
*Buzz phrases of the month: In "an abundance of caution" we are being asked to practice "social distancing" in an effort to "flatten the curve."
     Abundance of caution: being overly careful
     Social Distancing: staying at least 6 feel apart from each other, and even better...interacting via technology rather than in person.
     Flatten the curve: an attempt to not overwhelm hospitals with everyone getting sick at once.