I took another "leave of absence" from the Sally Bytheway Chorale this season. I hadn't planned to, I didn't want to. I was already sorely missing my chorale friends from taking spring season off. But the more I planned out my already crazy Thursdays, the more crazy they became. Every time I'd figure something out ("Okay...I drop Brandon off here...run back to drop Rebekah of there...drop Lilian off at Bryan's work on my way down south since I won't have a babysitter...and then Bryan can bring Brandon home at this time...and then this carpool will pick up Julianne at that time....") something else would either pile on or fall apart. A new theatre class for Julianne, carpools that I was banking on, disappearing. Each time I'd come up with a new plan...until finally, I realized that logistically I could not make it work. I could not physically be in two places at one time. So I prayed some. Cried a little more. And emailed Sally to tell her that I wasn't coming back quite yet after all.
But then as the weeks passed, I realized something. This break from chorale isn't really about my crazy Thursday nights. And I started figuring it out little by little...as I started really jumping in to my new responsibilities as *stake music specialist and also as I went to weekly rehearsals for my singing group **Higher Ground and we began to prepare for our numerous upcoming performances over the next few months. It became clear to me that more than logistics, this leave of absence is about me focusing on these other things. Because Heavenly Father knows me. Really knows me. And understands that I'm stubborn and want to do it all. If there was a way for me to get down to Draper on Thursday nights to sing in chorale, I'd do it. And other things would likely suffer or not get the full attention they needed and deserved. Myself included. So He made it physically impossible for me to sing with chorale on Thursdays.
And I saw it happen. It was one thing after another after another. I'd plan and figure ways around a complication...and then something else would happen. It was almost as if Heavenly Father was saying, "Oh really? That wasn't enough for you? Well okay...how about this?" It did get to the point where it became obvious that it was more than just an oh-darn-this-isn't-working-out. It progressed in my mind to the I-don't-think-I'm-meant-to-do-this-for-some-reason. But in my limited scope of understanding at the time, I thought it was just because I needed to put my family first. Don't get me wrong...I do think that is a big part of it. But it's more than just that. And I didn't truly understand until my mom, sisters and friends had all been back singing together for a few weeks...and I realized how relieved I was that I didn't have that too. Oh, I miss it most definitely. But I am thankful that Heavenly Father knows me enough, even better than I know myself, really...to guide me...even in the little details.
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*I've been fairly active with the stake choir the past year and a half. Our stake appreciates and adds music to just about everything in every season....beyond just music for stake conference, we're talking huge Easter and Christmas firesides, women's conference, youth events, etc. Our impressive stake choir director and his equally talented wife moved recently. And when the announcement of that move became known, I immediately started to keep my head down, fly under the radar. Because I knew that because I'd become somewhat high profile in stake music circles, my name would be on the short list. It was all for not. When President Steele called to set up an appointment with me, I cried....literally cried, I was so scared. My relief was immense when I discovered that I was not to be the new stake music chairman...but the stake music specialist. A committee? I could do that! But my stress level grew again when Amy, the new chairman, called me. I was specifically meant to be her partner...not just a committee member. And oh, have we been busy ever since! But though at times I still feel a bit overwhelmed I've come to realize that, well....I can do this! It takes time, it takes work, it takes prayer. But this is something that I am actually rather qualified for. And so I am finding myself surprisingly thankful for my new calling.
**We've changed the name of our singing group! A little bit of an explanation is probably in order. We loved the idea of the name Witness and what it meant...standing as a witness through music, of motherhood, womanhood, the gospel and any and all things that are GOOD in this life. All the same, we waffled back and forth on using the name Witness officially. Did we sound like Jehovah's Witnesses? And though it worked alright for religious performances, we found ourselves decidedly uncomfortable when doing more secular things like singing at Cherry Hill or Layton's Broadway night, or singing a national anthem somewhere. At a recent rehearsal Catrina was sharing with us the new song she had written...she said it was called "Higher Ground." And just like that, we knew. Our heads all flipped up in unison, we got goosebumps, and then the chatter started..."that's perfect!" Still acting as a witness....but doing it from Higher Ground.
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