That place...

I'm at that place again.  That same place I occupied six years ago.  The one where I found myself grappling with thoughts of entering a new phase of life.  With all of my children in school, what would I do with myself?  Oh, I had no doubt I would keep busy regardless.  But I found myself with a desire to do more, to reinvent myself, maybe?  To challenge myself?  However you describe it, this is the place I found myself inhabiting six years ago.  Brandon was heading off to Kindergarten.  Thoughts of a masters degree, or voice lessons to prepare myself for potential auditions for theatres or choirs?  Or volunteering at a museum, or getting a job?  All of those ideas came to a screeching halt as one very big and overwhelming thought took their place.  Another baby.  (Another baby???)  So I exited that place and reentered one that was familiar...but with the vague feeling that this place and I needed to be reintroduced.  It had been many years since I had dealt with morning sickness, maternity clothes and cravings.  Nighttime feedings, diapers and spit-up were something I thought was in my past.  But oh, that sweet little face.  Those coos and giggles and smiles.  That fresh-out-of-the-bath new baby smell.  It was the right place to be at that time.

But six years have passed.  That baby is a baby no more.  Lilian is heading off to Kindergarten this September.  And though I know I won't be jumping into anything immediately, I'm finding myself in that new phase of life place again.  I've spent the morning researching masters programs and museum jobs.  And the more I read, the more excited I become.  I don't know yet, what I will choose to do.  I know that whatever it is, it'll be something that will allow me to still be a mother and wife first and foremost.  But I can feel it...that pull.